Sunday, November 28, 2010

Plane Ponderings

So today I flew back from St. Louis to Toledo so I could return for the last 3 weeks of the semester. I like planes. I like the time I have to read and do homework with no distractions such as the internet. I love people watching. I do not particularly like long layovers though. I get nervous that my flight will get cancelled and I'll be stuck in Chicago O'Hare forever (that is a scary fate). So to not get nervous I finished two papers as well as jotted down cute/funny/nice moments as I people watched.


-The security ID checker person looked at my ID and wished me an early birthday. It made my day.

-A little boy looked at the long line for his flight and commented "That must be a long plane."

-Same line - An infant and her older sister were crawling in front of me making dinosaur noises.

-A little red head boy was walking with his parents when he suddenly stopped and stared at the poster next to me. "A go-ada mamma! A go-ada" I leaned over and saw that it was a gorilla and giggled to myself.

-The lens cap for my camera came off as I was putting my backpack in the over head bin and woman picked it up and handed it to me as I turned around to find it

-Multi-lingual conversation at Chicago O'Hare. I heard Chinese, Italian (a bunch of Italian old men walked past me-I laughed), Russian, Spanish, Scottish (yes that is a language in some cases like this one), and German.

-Two Chicago O'Hare workers were pushing two wheel chairs and holding onto two kids hands. One of the wheel chairs held a stuffed monkey

-Lost groups of people. One basketball team walked past me three times.

-Pilots and flight attendants hugging each other after not seeing each other for a long time.

-Chicago O'Hare during the holidays looks the same way it did in Home Alone.

-When I landed in Toledo a family was waiting for a service man who was on the same flight. He was greeted with a hug and a kiss. And then a hug by each family member. I heard his grandma say "We love you so much." I almost cried right there.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving

Before Thanksgiving ends I wanted to write a list of things I'm thankful for.

25 things I am thankful for:

1. God's steadfast love
2. Cold starry Missouri nights
3. Pumpkin Pie
4. Soft cuddly dachshunds
5. The comforting a challenging words of Ephesians 6
6. The fact I am actually graduating in May
7. My family, all of it. This includes my biological family as well as those in Missouri, Ohio, and Florida.
8. Fuzzy sweaters
9. Old films with my parents
10. Journaling about God's word
11. Art, specifically water color and photography
12. The friendships that started Freshman year. They are awesome and continue to challenge me (as well as make me laugh
13. Quirky imaginative films
14. A totally open future. Although it's scary, I could absolutely go anywhere after I graduate and that is kind of exciting
15. The smell of winter
16. Laughing at everything
17. The fact my Dad got tenure and Nerd of the Year in the same year
18. Tea
19. Knowing that God is working in me and through me
20. That my family knows me well enough that they can surprise me with little things randomly. It makes me feel so special
21. Books and comics
22. That my Grandpa was in my life for nearly 22 years and now he's with God
23. I was able to travel to so many places in the world with him and just so many places in general
24. The beautiful Cru women in my life
25. Good conversations and watching movies with family and friends

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Being held and being led

In the past 5 days I have heard the idea of "Faith" over and over. It seemed to be the topic of spiritual conversation, sermons, and the like. It is also an idea I am struggling with... I have explained faith to international students several times over the last few days and yet I look at myself and see that my faith is weak.

Over the past month, I have gone from entirely sure of where God wants me to floundering in the idea. I blamed it on doubt to whether my initial certainty was just excitement, the fear of letting my family down, lies, and now I see it for what it partially is. A lack of faith. I don't have faith that God can bring in support. Once I saw the size of the support, my view of God shrank. And with it my faith in him. For some reason my fear of money overwhelmed my view of God.

But He can't be defeated by money. Only my attitude can. So thanks to some wonderful friends, a thought provoking sermon, and some of God's own words from Psalms and Ephesians; I am approaching this with a renewed faith. It's just a step towards a greater faith but it is much better than hunkering in a corner with a mask of fake faith.

It's weird to have this as my first post in 5 months but I wanted to make this public. I need accountability in this. I still don't have a clear idea of where God wants me but I won't approach my future defeated.