Discipline

Sorry for the hiatus.  Its been a tough few weeks/month.

Basically every insecurity I have ever had has been brought back up again in the MPD process.  The refiner's fire, right?  And so in this I've had to rely on God for my strength and my perseverance. It's hard because in these times I feel like I'm failing in every aspect.  I feel like I need to try harder and when that doesn't work I get down on myself.  It's a normally a sick cycle that I can get out of but with MPD, it has proven tougher.  Mostly because this process doesn't rely on how hard I work.  I have to work hard and call people but even when I do sometimes I won't get results.  It's not an easy process for a goal driven person like myself.  Or anyone for that matter.

During the follow-up conference I went to in Michigan probably one of the coolest things I discovered was a passage in Hebrews that I was led to while doing a journal entry for my New Testament Survey class. And that is Hebrews 12:7-13:

"It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees,and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed."

We endure for discipline.  That we may have fruit of righteousness spring up out of this situation.  Even though, I am frustrated and tired of this whole process it is God ordained and someday...probably many years from now, I will look back at this time and think "Wow, I learned a lot."  But most importantly I am learning not just to endure this time but to live life in it.  I think so often we just think we have to endure, push through and God will give us an MPD badge at the end of it.  We are being disciplined but we must also learn to live in this disciplined life style.  Understand why things are happening but look for the blessing and beauty that is happening around us as well.

In the midst of this time, I have had sweet time with friends in Bowling Green and friends from Columbia that have moved away. I have heard really encouraging words with friends, support coaches, and future co-workers near and far. I have a super supportive family. I have a caring group of friends going through the exact same thing I am.  I have realized that even if you ask for big things, those things may not be what God has planned and it's just a lesson of waiting in this season of my life.

So I am thankful for this time.  I know I will look back on it someday and go "wow" both out of the thought why did I handle things that way but also out of how much I've changed.  I am thankful for how God has prepared me for this with the people he's put into my life as my team of encouragement as well as the people who have joined my team already.

The most important part of discipline is to not be negative but instead be thankful.  So in this holiday season of thanksgiving, I will be thankful for discipline.