Strands

In the past two months four people in my life have passed away.

In the past two days three couples in my life have gotten engaged.

I am so blessed that the week that cousin passed away that I got to hear that three couples in my life got engaged.

I've been reminded death and life are two strands of one cord. With life comes death.  In sorrow of death there will always come joy.  In joy of life there will always be sorrow.

Death and life cannot be experienced without the other.  Even Jesus experienced both.  He celebrated with those celebrating a beginning (Marriage at Cana).  He mourned with those mourning an end (Lazarus).  He was born.  He died on a cross for all of our sins.

But Jesus overcame the cord of life.  He rose from the grave.  He ascended into Heaven.  He is the author and perfecter of our faith.  Because he was fully man he experienced the two strands in which our lives are woven.  But He is fully God. We are able to come to him in our joy and our mourning because he overcame it all.  We can be with him in life and in death. He is present in both.

With the four deaths, I praise the Lord for their lives.  For the two men of faith, who lived full quality lives and influenced those around them for the better.  For the two women of faith, that even though their lives were half the length of the men I previously mentioned they got to influence so many people.  In sorrow there is joy.

The Lord Answers

Not in the way I way I want him to mind you.

Today has been rough.  Not the roughest by far but rough. Basically things just keep building upon one another and then toppling over. But I didn't come here to write a blog post about how hard MPD is and how badly I want to give up, even though all those things are true at this moment.  I wanted to just mentionhow God answers.

Last night I went with our high school seniors to the youth group night at one of the ministries on Mizzou's campus.  One thing that was mentioned was not all our thoughts are our own.  That's why we need to take them captive and judge whether they are from us or not.  So when I was getting more and more and more frustrated with how today was going I stopped and thought it through.  And the ones I singled out were the ones telling me to quit.  Which led me to thinking about the whole "curse God and die" thing in Job (a. bad advice b. my thought process can be a little dramatic).

Well just because I isolated the lies in my head didn't mean things got easier.  They got harder (the normal progression of things, really). But I kept coming back to Job. One thing that thinking about Job helped was that he had a harder day than me.  I haven't lost anyone, any property, animals, health, etc. Just patience and a whole lot of energy and optimism.

So I am lamenting my lot in life, "Why did God make this so hard if he called me to this" etc.  Then in pops this thought, you must have done something wrong for God not to make this easy on you. Hold up. That is an exact opinion of one of Job's friends when they're trying to "help" him.  Take every thought captive, remember?

So I pull up Job on my computer (instead of getting a physical bible because mine are all packed) and went to the chapter that starts "The LORD Answers Job." First off God answers Job out of a WHIRLWIND. If you live in CoMo, have you seen the weather today? It looked like whirlwind weather. No, thank you.  But then God goes and is God. I love and hate when he does that...like when He calls us dust in James.

Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?
Dress for action like a man;
I will question you, and you make it known to me.
Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell me, if you have understanding.
Who determined its measurements—surely you know!
Or who stretched the line upon it?

God continues this until Job promises silence (good move) and then God challenges Job to adorn himself in dignity, majesty, glory, and splendor. As well as practical things like drawing a Leviathan out with a fishhook (my favorite).  But then Job does where I feel I am at now.  Job confesses and repents.  We know from the previous 41 chapters that Job is righteous man and has really done nothing wrong but what Job has done wrong, and what I have struggled with today, is putting words and thoughts in God's mouth that were not his. And trying to fathom the unfathomable. This is what Job says:

I know that you can do all things,
and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
‘Hear, and I will speak;
I will question you, and you make it known to me.’
I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
but now my eye sees you;
therefore I despise myself,
and repent in dust and ashes.

"Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know."  Whenever I get frustrated and utter the words "Why'd God make this so hard if he called me to this" I call in to question things too wonderful for me.  Things I do not and may never know.  But the Lord can do all things and no purpose of His can be thwarted. So I gather myself up. Confess and repent.  And start this day over.

The Lord answers.  Thankfully, this time it didn't take an actual whirlwind.

The Lord is my Shepherd*

There is just something about those words, "the Lord is my shepherd."  Yesterday, Forum Christian's high school youth minister, Justin, said something that stuck with me.  God is the shepherd and the lamb.  He can lead us and he dwells with us.  He doesn't just "lord" over us picking out what we do wrong and punishing us, he knows what we go through as he has gone through the same things. That is in part why he loves and takes care of us so well.

So this morning when the devo I have just started reading on a daily basis is about the idea of trusting in God with your whole being and is based around Psalm 23, that idea of Jesus as the shepherd and the lamb came up.  The devo, called Jesus Calling for any who are interested, finished today with this:

"Do not fear what this day, or any day, may bring your way.  Concentrate on trusting Me and on doing what needs to be done.  Relax in My sovereignty, remembering that I go before you, as well as with you, into each day.  Fear no evil, for I can bring good out of every situation you encounter."  

"I go before you, as well as with you, into each day."  A shepherd and a lamb.  The part of Psalm 23 that went with this devo was "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  Fear has been a big stumbling block for me during this support raising process.  Fear of calling. Fear of new people.  Fear of who knows what.  Fear of disappointing.  Recently it's been the fear of the unplanned.  I never planned for my support to take this long.  I don't even have an idea what going through this season during the summer even could look like. Along with this comes fear of disappointing.  I want to commit to things but I don't want to disappoint anyone if I have to drop out at the last minute. But what I'm realizing is I can't plan right now.  Not far ahead anyways.

But with that is the fact that I'm not supposed to be planning that far ahead.  James 4:13 and 14 even says "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes."  I laugh as I write that because 3 years ago I wrapped up my time with the Jesus Film Project with 14 on my heart and mind. And now I struggle with them.  And when I go back to Psalm 23 it says it in another way "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.  He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake."  HE restores my soul. HE leads. It goes on to say that HE prepares a table before me.  Psalm 23 has very little to do with us doing or planning anything.  We are the mist. We are the lamb.  We have no place as the shepherd.  That is God's part.  Only he is the lamb and the shepherd.  So what have we to fear.  He has gone before us.  He is with us. With every day.  Even if we have plans for it or not.


*(as a geeky sidenote I kept spelling shepherd shepard, because apparently I have been around too much Mass Effect as of late.)