Taste and See

Psalm 34:8

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

This past week as been a crazy ride.
I went to Rocky Mountain National Park last weekend. It was so awesome to see the HUGEness of God out there. I especially felt it standing next to a waterfall that I almost fell into.

Fourth of July rolled around and most of it was spent studying for our final for Intro to Christian Theology. Mind you when I say most of it I mean...3 hours. Then we headed to Fort Collins City Park with a group of funny and cool people and we waited for some fireworks. We sang "A Whole New World" and found Waldo. The fireworks were pretty good. and we ended the night shortly after so we could wake up for our test.

Our test woke us up a little early. I did well and to celebrate we had some women's time. We went over to Group's head quarters in Loveland, CO. It was gorgeous there and we had a pasta bar and talked about "tasting and seeing" all the blessings of God. This was easy for me at this point. I was close to the mountains, I had good laughs the night before and did well on my final exam. We were given thanks books so that we could jot down whenever we were thankful for the things God has given us. We then painted nails, ate s'mores, and made earrings. It was during the last thing I mentioned that I started to feel some wear. Frustration and impatience bubbling to the surface.

The next day was the day I was kind of dreading the whole time. Finances. Well, in short, I was frustrated anxious and overwhelmed. Through the course of the evening, and encouraging conversations with my parents, I was able to come to peace with the whole situation after much tears and some creative planning from my Dad. Lifegroup wrapped up the day with talking about how "total dependence doesn't happen without weakness." And if you know me, you know I hate hate HATE weakness. It was great to talk it out with those women and be vulnerable to people I got to know so deeply so quickly. Well as I was thinking about this day today I looked back to Psalm 34 where the whole "tasting and seeing" idea came up. It states before verse 8 that:

"I sought the LORD, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them."

I smile reading this again because I know that in my humanness I abandoned the idea of how big my God is and didn't seek him when I was fearful. But here it says that God delivered David from his fears. He can hear me too. He can deliver, save me, and encamp around me. I think my favorite part of this is when it says that those who look to him are radiant. I want to be radiant. I want to seek the Lord first when I freak out instead of let the idea of money crush me (that is always the topic that causes me to freak out the most btw - so if you ever want to scare me bring it up.)

And finally yesterday, I realized that all this time with people is fun and stimulating, I hadn't had time to just be (by myself) in a while. That's where the earlier frustration was bubbling from. So I watched a movie and returned to this. "Taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." I was so busy trying to taste and see God that I forgot to take refuge entirely.

So I'm to the weekend again. I'm making conscious steps to take me time and Jesus time while not isolating myself. It's a fragile balance but a good one to rebuild. And all this so that I can taste, see, and seek refuge in God and enjoy the creation and happening around me.

It's crazy how one verse can reflect a whole week.

Challenging thoughts, rafting, and free coffee

So...I've been here two weeks.

Only three more days of classes. And less than two weeks away from support training.

The last 1.5 weeks of class have challenged me in lots of ways. I enjoy my bible study methods class, I'm learning a lot about myself and ways to communicate the gospel. Which is a blessing...because if you couldn't tell I'm a poor communicator, never mind communicating the gospel. My intro to theology class has challenged a lot of my ideas I had about the bible, the nature of God, and some of the controversies. I have had to wrestle with a lot of things. What do I hold with an open hand, what do I have my fists wrapped tightly around. Mind you, I am not easily blindly accepting everything. I using my college critical thinking skills and weighing these ideas against who I am and bringing them to God in prayer. These aren't major doctrine issues...just opinions and "persuasions" I have. So that's been a real learning process.

So has being around people who have different study habits than me. I write ideas down and I don't dwell on them. So while people are freaking out about a paper about the attributes of God...I'm reading, journaling/talking to God, watching a movie, or finding other free people to hang with(in tonight's case I went for coffee and ended up on a half hour long bike ride around campus). But I have been spending a lot of time in the coffee shop, CCCI provides, downing free coffee (which I'm drinking right now), providing laughs and my insights on the homework. So that's been some sweet time.

This past weekend I went downtown a lot. I went by myself on Bohemia Night and listened to some "psychedelic" blue grass which I loved. I journaled and found my new favorite coffee shop. The next time I went out for ice cream with a bunch of people from New Staff Training. That was funny. A lot of moments where a bunch of twenty somethings behaved like children. And a Kentucky based punk band of teenagers. The next night I went and had some good Asian influenced cuisine (not quite authentic thai curry - but oh well). I realized Fort Collins' active nights are Thursday and Friday. Saturday is basically dead...which is weird to me.

Saturday morning I went white water rafting! It was awesome. We named our group "Paul's Poudre Paddling Pirate Possy." Paul was our guide...and he had something against me. He tried to pull me out of the raft into the water, he had everyone high five my helmet, and he called me a redneck because I'm from Missouri. But it was fun and I definitely want to go again.

Me and my roommate, Amy.

Unfortunately I didn't get many pictures because my little camera died on me. :(

This weekend I'm going on a prayer walk through Estes Park. I'm so pumped to further enjoy the awesome creation that God has put me in the middle of.

Oh and some good news! I'm so close to my NST goal for support. But keep praying! I want to be at the baseline when I start my "real" support.

Just a little reminder

So I just found this on my camera. Hope this makes you smile if you're a cru woman. And if you're not I'm sure these attributes apply to you too. So take heart that people see these things in you even when you don't.

And if you're not a woman...sorry.

Hello from New Staff Training!

So I have been here in Fort Collins, CO for over a week.

First off: the weather is GORGEOUS. I am continually amazed by this blessing everyday when I walk outside.

My drive here was long and complete with a few time stressors but it all worked for the best, because as always God provides. And in this case (like He had in new places before) He provided people in my way who are so awesome and sweet to my soul.

My first week was fun and encouraging. I felt close to my calling and encouraged in it. We talked about the history of the organization and the doubts that come along. All of those tops were fascinating and extremely helpful.

The weekend rolled along and I flew home to go to my dear friend Dianna's wedding. The flight to Missouri was rough. I realized that (once again) that I'm not on the level I wish to be and some realizations of the teachings I had just heard that day were flung in my face. I had to take a deep breath and confront the day. And the day was gorgeous and I was so privileged to be included. The best part was bonding with the women of the bridal party and being a part of such a significant event in someone dear's life. I'm so excited to see what happens in her and DJ's marriage and their ministry through their marriage.

And then I returned. A lot of doubts sprung on me when I returned. Would I be able to fit back in? Had I missed vital information (they leave the weekends open - so of course not)? Was this still the right place for me? All of these doubts were wiped away and I sprang back into routine. With a few kinks thrown in because I left my meal card, key and pass key at home in Missouri. For the lack of patience I had for that flight to Missouri, God gave me an abundance in dealing with that situation. It wore on the third day but I made it through without getting mad at any rude dining staff! That's an accomplishment. Especially with how mad I was just a few days earlier.

Classes began this week and the tension was suddenly turned on for new staff. We are learning to balance graduate work loads with Jesus time and fellowship. I am super thankful for my last semester of school teaching me how to let go of my perfectionist attributes and letting things flow. Because with out that lesson...I would be a mess here. But thanks also to a work ethic I learned from my mom (work like it's a normal work day) I get done in an orderly time. I have learned so much this week already and I have been thoroughly challenged to sharpen my beliefs. But through all of this I have been trying to be proactive about hanging out with people and as the week is about to end my body and mind just want rest.

Real rest. That's another thing I'm learning. To still have sweet rest with God while taking seminary level classes. There's a part of me who at the end of the day doesn't want to look at the bible after staring at it for homework assignments. But I'm learning to look at it with fresh eyes and just rest in nature as the wind blows sweetly through my window and know that there needs to be a time for study and a time for relationship.

So that's it for now. If you're the praying type please be praying for my support to continue to come in for New Staff Training. And pray for the next week. That we don't get burnt our or let our head sink beneath the water of these work loads. And that we see God's sweetness through out it.

My view from my room

Late Graduation Post

So as you may or may not know I graduated with a BS in Technology almost two weeks ago.

Me. All official.

I'm done with college. How did that happen? I'm officially an adult. (for real this time...that whole turning 18 and turning 21 thing didn't count) So now what?

I've been in BG since graduating and next Tuesday I return to Missouri. I will be there for a few weeks and then I will head out to Colorado for CRU's New Staff Training (or NST for short).

Why? Because I plan to be full time staff for the JESUS Film Project. I will be there for training until mid-July and then I will will be attending their biannual staff conference until July 27. The post Cru stuff plan is vague. The plan is to hang out a bit in Vail with Erica briefly then to return to Missouri just to head out to Arizona and New Mexico to lend some helping hands to the Christian Veterinary Mission's trip to the reservations. And then? Rest. And raising support. Lots of support.

What's support you might ask? Even though I'll be working in the JESUS Film office I will be an acting missionary of sorts. So my moving and living out there requires a ministry team of partners. (most of you will get letters) So be praying for that.

That's the future.

Jacintha, Tommie, Marie, and I.

Here's to these past four years.

Things Done Differently

Tomorrow is my last day of classes...ever. (Most likely)

And a nagging feeling that as been elbowing me in the ribs the last few weeks is that I never got to know the people in my program. I got to know cru people, internationals, and random people along the way. But I never ever tried to get to know the people alongside me in VCT classes. I guess a part of my heart was jaded against the program itself and another part was just being competitive.

But looking back (to an hour and a half ago at my last physical VCT class EVER) I'm sad I didn't take the time to chat with some of them. I wish I could have shared life with more of them.

But in the end...maybe there was a reason for me not investing in that aspect of college. I was called to internationals. I was called to people in the circles of cru.

Now as I finish writing all of this, I realize that I may be sad that I didn't get to know those people at the computers next to me. But then I take comfort that I have invested in many more people, to whom I have impacted. Maybe I wasn't meant for the VCT people. Maybe I just didn't accept that challenge, so I was given many others.

Either way when it comes down to things I would have done differently in my four years here, that may be one of the only ones. And even if there are more, I'm glad I lived as I have. I'm glad for the laughs, the cries, the sarcasm, the stress, the long hours working, the long hours talking, and the many many movies watched.

So heres to things done differently and to the things lived.

My King

This past week I've been discovering how God is truly king of my life. For a little bit I lost sight of the king part of his identity. But he's shown up as king in several cool ways. One was that in my bible study I was reading about Melchizedek and Jesus' identity as priest king. I felt so full of joy at reading that. And then shortly after S.M. Lockeridge's "My King" came on my ipod. Talk about feeling overwhelmed by the king after listening to that.

Here is the transcript:
My King was born King.
The Bible says He’s a Seven Way King.

He’s the King of the Jews – that’s a racial King. He’s the King of Israel – that’s a National King.

He’s the King of righteousness.

He’s the King of the ages.

He’s the King of Heaven.

He’s the King of glory.

He’s the King of kings and He is the Lord of lords.

Now that’s my King.

Well I wonder if you know Him. Do you know Him?

Don’t try to mislead me. Do you know my King?

David said the Heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament show His handiwork.

My King is the only one whom there are no means of measure can define His limitless love.

No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shore of supplies.

No barriers can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing.

Well, well, He’s enduringly strong. He’s entirely sincere.

He’s eternally steadfast.

He’s immortally graceful.

He’s imperially powerful.

He’s impartially merciful.

That’s my King.

He’s God’s Son.

He’s the sinner’s saviour.

He’s the centrepiece of civilization.

He stands alone in Himself.

He’s august.

He’s unique.

He’s unparalleled.

He’s unprecedented.

He’s supreme.

He’s pre-eminent.

Well, He’s the loftiest idea in literature.

He’s the highest personality in philosophy.

He’s the supreme problem in high criticism.

He’s the fundamental doctrine of proved theology.

He’s the carnal necessity of spiritual religion.

That’s my King. He’s the miracle of the age.

He’s the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him.

Well, He’s the only one able to supply all of our needs simultaneously.

He supplies strength for the weak.

He’s available for the tempted and the tried.

He sympathizes and He saves.

He’s strong God and He guides.

He heals the sick.

He cleanses the lepers.

He forgives sinners.

He discharged debtors.

He delivers the captives.

He defends the feeble.

He blesses the young.

He serves the unfortunate.

He regards the aged.

He rewards the diligent and He beautifies the meek.

Do you know Him?

Well, my King is the key of knowledge. He’s the wellspring of wisdom.

He’s the doorway of deliverance.

He’s the pathway of peace.

He’s the roadway of righteousness.

He’s the highway of holiness.

He’s the gateway of glory.

He’s the master of the mighty.

He’s the captain of the conquerors.

He’s the head of the heroes.

He’s the leader of the legislatures.

He’s the overseer of the overcomers.

He’s the governor of governors.

He’s the prince of princes.

He’s the King of kings and He’s the Lord of lords.

That’s my King. Yeah. That’s my King. My King.

His office is manifold.

His promise is sure.

His light is matchless.

His goodness is limitless.

His mercy is everlasting.

His love never changes.

His Word is enough.

His grace is sufficient.

His reign is righteous.

His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

Well. I wish I could describe Him to you, but He’s indescribable.

He’s indescribable. Yes.

He’s incomprehensible.

He’s invincible.

He’s irresistible.

I’m coming to tell you, the heavens of heavens cannot contain Him, let alone a man explaining Him.

You can’t get Him out of your mind. You can’t get Him off of your hands.

You can’t outlive Him and you can’t live without Him.

Well, Pharisees couldn’t stand Him, but they found out they couldn’t stop Him.

Pilate couldn’t find any fault in Him.

The witnesses couldn’t get their testimonies to agree.

Herod couldn’t kill Him.

Death couldn’t handle Him and the grave couldn’t hold Him.

That’s my King. Yeah.

He always has been and He always will be.

I’m talking about He had no predecessor and He’ll have no successor.

There was nobody before Him and there’ll be nobody after Him.

You cant impeach Him and He’s not going to resign.

That’s my King! That’s my King!

Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory.

Well, all the power belongs to my King.

We’re around here talking about black power and white power and green power, but it’s God’s power.

Thine is the power. And the glory.

We try to get prestige and honour and glory for ourselves, but the glory is all His. Yes.

Thine is the Kingdom and the power and glory,

forever and ever and ever and ever.

How long is that?

And ever and ever and ever and ever.

And when you get through with all of the forevers, then,

Amen.