Wrestling

Not literally...that'd be strange. And to be entirely truthful I'm not really wrestling spiritually right now either. I'm just appreciating the process. The process that it seems we all go through and how alike yet different the spiritual wrestling is among women.
Tonight a mentor of mine put on her facebook "wrestling something out w/ God does not mean our faith is failing but that it is being developed and defined." I felt the truth of this tonight. I saw a small group of women wrestle with what it means to be wounded and open and later heal those wounds with God. But because of satan jerk he lies while we wrestle and try to heal.
But women are beautiful and women of God are the most beautiful on the whole earth. It has been made apparent to me through the past weeks as women talk about their future husbands, their boyfriends, their future, their school work, their hurts, their worries, everything. I used to be so angry at being born a woman and now I feel so blessed. So blessed because I can share and love these women. Oddly enough Sufjan Stevens' song "Dress Looks Nice on You" just started playing.

"I can see a lot of life in you. I can see a lot of bright in you. And I think the dress looks nice on you. I can see a lot of life in you. "

The women around me are full of life even when satan is trying to trick them out of it. So I love where I'm at and I try to attribute my beauty in whatever way I can (that was so freaking strange for me to type - eek) for God's glory and to bless the women who have so graciously shared their lives with me.

Coffee Shop Living

So I feel like I could live my life in a coffee shop and never leave. But since that is an unwise decision at this time in my life I like to simulate that feeling in my living room. Freshly brewed coffee from my little coffee pot, listening to some sweet Over the Rhine tunes that I just bought in a dimly lit room (my roomie just went to bed to I only have one lamp on). Its a sweet moment in my genuinely chaotic lifestyle. I have 2 papers and a project due but there's no stress, just silence and peace. Which is new for me at this time.
I've been running around sending resumes, worrying about resumes, writing papers, cramming in late nights for those papers, hanging with people, balancing people and school and beautiful time with Jesus. So in this coffee shop moment of my life I will relax in knowing that God has these things balanced for me. I will have something to do this semester. I will graduate on time in about a year from now. I will pass my incredibly paper heavy film history class. (Is that weird that thats the order they come in stress in my life?) I have faith that not only does he balance these things for me that he will show up in their outcomes.
But if you could pray for my summer that would be so beautiful since its almost April and I still don't know where I will be. I could be in LA (living in a box under a highway), Seattle, Nashville, New York, Joplin, or back home. The possibilities are endless but as of right now so is the silence. So pray for my summer, my patience, and for my heart not to harden.
For now I will be silent and wait in this little moment. So I could live in a coffee shop but for now I will sit here in my apartment trying to finish video treatments for my class tomorrow while inhaling that wonderful coffee smell drifting from coffee cup.