Being held and being led

In the past 5 days I have heard the idea of "Faith" over and over. It seemed to be the topic of spiritual conversation, sermons, and the like. It is also an idea I am struggling with... I have explained faith to international students several times over the last few days and yet I look at myself and see that my faith is weak.

Over the past month, I have gone from entirely sure of where God wants me to floundering in the idea. I blamed it on doubt to whether my initial certainty was just excitement, the fear of letting my family down, lies, and now I see it for what it partially is. A lack of faith. I don't have faith that God can bring in support. Once I saw the size of the support, my view of God shrank. And with it my faith in him. For some reason my fear of money overwhelmed my view of God.

But He can't be defeated by money. Only my attitude can. So thanks to some wonderful friends, a thought provoking sermon, and some of God's own words from Psalms and Ephesians; I am approaching this with a renewed faith. It's just a step towards a greater faith but it is much better than hunkering in a corner with a mask of fake faith.

It's weird to have this as my first post in 5 months but I wanted to make this public. I need accountability in this. I still don't have a clear idea of where God wants me but I won't approach my future defeated.